I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
