Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
