you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Sober January is a disaster.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
