Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
