remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
