I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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