she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
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