FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
