We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
We left an ass print on the piano.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Randomize
