I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
