Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
