i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
