My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
