I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize
