Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
