I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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