I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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