Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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