When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
