on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
