we made out on top of his cat.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
