all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
