she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
