and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
