so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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