going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
