Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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