what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Randomize
