So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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