i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
