Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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