I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
