i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
