The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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