there's paper in my vomit.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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