Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
