God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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