If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
