There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Randomize
