did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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