haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
