I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
