Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
