if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
he thought i was a dude.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
