I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Randomize
