I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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