The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Randomize
