i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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