there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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