Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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