And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
