I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
