We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
