8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
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