$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
