I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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