Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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