I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize
