Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
