i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I just threw up on my dentist
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
