If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
They took my balls.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
