Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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