Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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