Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
