I haven't been this sober since birth.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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