It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
