i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
