just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize