12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize