This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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