I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
